The Inner Monologue

A refined, extra-snarky movie rating scale—now with even more bite and sarcasm:

0 – Should have stopped watching, but I didn’t, and now I’m legally entitled to financial compensation for psychological damages.
This movie violated the Geneva Convention. I demand a public apology from the director.

1 – Stopped watching, thank god—my brain cells have suffered enough.
I’d rather listen to a 10-hour loop of a fork scraping a plate than finish this cinematic war crime.

2 – I watched it. It wasn’t total garbage, but it was definitely composting.
The highlight was when it ended. The second highlight was realizing I’ll forget it exists by tomorrow.

3 – I tolerated it, but only because my phone died and I had nothing else to do.
It wasn’t actively painful, but if you watch it, don’t blame me when you sigh loudly at least five times.

4 – Acceptable. Like plain toast. Not good, not terrible—just… there.
If you watch this, you won’t hate yourself after. But you also won’t feel anything at all. Congrats?

5 – Good. Shockingly, it didn’t suck!
I went in expecting trash and got… a decent sandwich? Not gourmet, but hey, at least it wasn’t moldy.

6 – Very good. I was entertained… when I wasn’t checking my watch.
Solid effort. Not life-changing, but hey, at least I didn’t regret my life choices afterward.

7 – Will tell others to watch (with minor disclaimers).
“Yeah, it’s good! Just ignore the weird subplot and pretend the third act makes sense.”

8 – Will watch again. A rare unicorn of competence!
This is what movies should be—unfortunately, Hollywood seems to think “competent” is too high a bar.

9 – Could watch back-to-back. Damn, that was amazing.
I’m already planning my next viewing. If you don’t like it, we can’t be friends.

10 – Perfect. The studio must have sold its soul for this.
This movie is so good, it makes me angry at every other movie for not trying this hard. How dare they raise my standards?

Now that’s a rating scale with the right amount of venom. Enjoy eviscerating bad movies in style! 🎬🔥