Let’s be real—most of us just accept the names of the months without questioning them. January? Sure. February? Whatever. But if you actually stop and think about it, some of these names make zero sense. Why is October the tenth month when “octo” means eight? Why is August named after some ancient Roman dude with a god complex?

Turns out, the calendar is a hot mess of history, ego, and bad math. Buckle up—we’re about to ruin the way you look at time forever.

January: The “Door” to the Year

Origin: Januarius (Latin for “door”)
Named After: Janus, the two-faced Roman god of beginnings (fitting, since he could look backward and forward at the same time).
Why It’s Weird: Imagine naming a month after a literal door. “Hey, what month is it?” “Uh, Door.“

February: The Month of… Purification?

Origin: Februarius (Latin for “purification”)
Named After: A weird Roman festival where people got whipped with animal hides to cleanse themselves.
Why It’s Weird: It’s the shortest month because even the Romans were like, “Yeah, we’re not doing this for 30 days.”

March: War, Baby!

Origin: Martius (named after Mars, the Roman god of war)
Why It’s Weird: The year used to start in March because, apparently, nothing says “Happy New Year” like a battle cry.

April: When Things “Open” (??)

Origin: Aprilis (Latin for “to open,” probably referring to flowers blooming)
Why It’s Weird: Could also be named after Aphrodite, but the Romans were too busy arguing about it to decide.

May: Fertility, Baby!

Origin: Named after Maia, the Roman goddess of fertility (and no, not the same Maia as the Pleiades star—that’s Greek).
Why It’s Weird: Basically, this month is named after a goddess who was all about growth… if you know what I mean.

June: All About Marriage

Origin: Named after Juno, the Roman goddess of marriage.
Why It’s Weird: June weddings are a thing because people thought, “Hey, let’s get married under the goddess of marriage!” Meanwhile, July weddings are just… hot.

July & August: The Ultimate Ego Move

• July: Originally Quintilis (Latin for “fifth month”), but Julius Caesar was like, “Nah, name it after me.”
• August: Originally Sextilis (Latin for “sixth month”), but Emperor Augustus said, “If Caesar gets a month, I get one too!”
  Why It’s Weird: These dudes literally stole months because they couldn’t handle not being famous forever.

September–December: The Calendar’s Biggest Lie

• September: Septem = 7 (but it’s the 9th month)
• October: Octo = 8 (but it’s the 10th month)
• November: Novem = 9 (but it’s the 11th month)
• December: Decem = 10 (but it’s the 12th month)
  Why It’s Weird: The Romans originally had a 10-month calendar (because math is hard). Then they added January and February, but didn’t rename the other months. So now we’re stuck with this nonsense.

Final Thoughts: The Calendar is a Mess

• Two months are named after dudes who really loved themselves.
• One month is named after a door.
• Four months are lying about their numbers.
• And February got stuck with 28 days because nobody wanted to deal with it.

Moral of the story? Time is fake, the calendar was made up by power-hungry Romans, and we’re all just living in their ego trip.

Now go impress (or annoy) your friends with this knowledge. 🗓️😂

Did this break your brain? Share it and ruin someone else’s perception of time too! #CalendarChaos #RomanEgo #WaitWhat