The Inner Monologue

Oh, you’re so lucky to be reading this right now, because I—yes, me—just sold the hottest, most genius screenplay to Hollywood, and it’s going to save the entire film industry. You’re welcome, Netflix. You’re welcome, humanity.

Title: The Thomas Crown Affair (2025)

(But Sexier, Smarter, and with More Justin Timberlake Smirking at Cameras)

Starring:

• Justin Timberlake as Thomas Crown, because obviously. He’s basically playing himself—billionaire, genius, thief, and certified cheekbone menace.
• Miley Cyrus as Detective Jordan Fischer, because who else could match his chaotic energy? She’s basically playing Hannah Montana Gone Rogue, and we are here for it.

Plot (Which I Definitely Made Up On My Own and Wasn’t Inspired By Anything):

Picture this: It’s 2025. The world is on fire (literally and metaphorically), but Thomas Crown doesn’t care because he’s too busy stealing digital art like some kind of post-modern Robin Hood (except he keeps the loot, because capitalism).

Using AI, deepfakes, and a swarm of tiny drones (because regular burglary is so 1999), Crown swaps a $200 million NFT-backed masterpiece during a high-profile auction. The twist? The NFT is also a forgery, because nothing is real anymore, and neither are your investments.

Enter Detective Jordan Fischer (Miley Cyrus), a cyber-psychologist-hacker-lone-wolf-genius who’s basically Lisbeth Salander if she listened to Bangerz on repeat. She’s the only one smart enough to track Crown, mostly because she’s just as unhinged as he is.

Key Scenes (That I Definitely Didn’t Steal From Other Movies):

• The Heist: Crown uses nano-drones to bypass security while an AI deepfake of him twerks at a charity gala in Monaco. Flawless alibi.
• The Chase: Fischer hacks into Crown’s self-driving Tesla and tries to crash it, but he just laughs and sips a martini because he planned for that too.
• The Seduction: They flirt via encrypted messages, VR simulations, and one very suggestive game of Chess.com. The tension? Palpable.
• The Twist: Fischer thinks she’s caught him, but SURPRISE—the whole investigation was Crown’s idea. He wanted her to chase him. (This is what men think flirting is.)

The Ending (Which Will Break the Internet):

Fischer finally corners Crown, gun drawn, panting dramatically (as one does). He just smirks (Timberlake’s specialty) and says: “You could arrest me… or you could get in the jet.”

Cut to Fischer tossing her badge into the ocean like “lol, ACAB” as they fly off to commit more crimes together. Roll credits.

Why This Movie Will Win All the Oscars (Including Ones That Don’t Exist Yet):

• Vibes: Ocean’s Eleven meets Black Mirror meets Mr. & Mrs. Smith’s tech-savvy, pansexual cousins.
• Soundtrack: Jazz (for the olds), hyper-pop (for the youths), and at least one scene where Miley Cyrus sings just to mess with us.
• Cultural Impact: This film single-handedly revives the “rich people being sexy criminals” genre. You’re welcome, Hollywood.

So yeah, my agent (who I definitely have) says this is already in pre-production. Expect trailers by Christmas, or whenever the studios stop crying over their superhero flops.

TL;DR— Justin and Miley are about to make crime hot again. You can thank me later. 💋

(P.S. If any execs are reading this and want to actually make this movie… call me. I accept payment in Bitcoin, champagne, and/or vintage Furbies.)