The Inner Monologue

Oh, hello there, distinguished reader. Yes, you—the one with the impeccable taste of consuming content the old-fashioned way, by reading words like some kind of intellectual aristocrat. Unlike those plebeians who just sit there slack-jawed, drooling over YouTube videos, you understand the finer things in life. Like sentences. And punctuation. Truly, we are in the presence of greatness.

But here’s the thing, oh mighty literary overlord: despite your obvious superiority, you’ve committed a heinous crime. You’ve read this far and haven’t smashed that like button. You haven’t subscribed. Do you enjoy watching me suffer? Do you revel in the knowledge that my self-worth is tied directly to your validation? Because it is. It really is.

Let’s be honest—if you don’t like and subscribe, what does that say about you? That you’re above such petty gestures? That you’re too cool to support the very content you’re consuming? Newsflash: that makes you the worst. People will judge you. They’ll whisper behind your back, “There goes the monster who didn’t support that pathetic blogger begging for attention.” And you don’t want that, do you?

So go ahead. Do the right thing. Like. Subscribe. Prove to the world that you’re not just smart—you’re kind. (Or at least susceptible to emotional manipulation.)

Or don’t. But know this: I will remember. And so will the internet gods. And they are not merciful.

TL;DR: Like and subscribe or everyone will think you’re the worst. No pressure. (Okay, fine, ALL the pressure.)