“Sorry, Teachers—Turns Out You’re Not Actually Starving”

Let’s play a game: Name a profession that loves to complain about pay more than teachers. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

For years, we’ve been fed the narrative that teachers are tragically underpaid, surviving on ramen noodles and goodwill while the rest of the economy leaves them behind. But guess what? The latest data suggests that maybe—just maybe—teachers aren’t quite as screwed as they’d have you believe.

1. Reality Check: Teachers Make More Than the Average American

Median U.S. income: ~$48,000 (aka “I hope you like roommates”).
Median teacher salary: $63,670 (aka “I can afford a one-bedroom and maybe even avocado toast”).

That’s 33% more than the typical American worker. And before you scream “But COL! Student loans!”—yeah, welcome to adulthood. Everyone’s got bills.

2. “But Other Jobs Pay Better!”—Yeah, No Duh

Sure, teachers earn less than nurses ($86K) or engineers ($95K). But let’s compare apples to apples:

Social workers: $58K
Paralegals: $61K
Your local cop: $72K

So, teachers out-earn most do-gooders while working 9 months a year. Cry me a river.

3. The Secret Perks They Don’t Mention

Pensions: Unlike the rest of us praying our 401(k) survives the next market crash.
Tenure: Basically job armor (try getting that in corporate America).
Summers off: The ultimate flex.

Oh, and union protection—because nothing says “I have leverage” like being nearly impossible to fire.

4. The Real Problem? Not Pay—It’s Everything Else

Let’s be honest: The issue isn’t just money. It’s:

Helicopter parents.
Politicians turning classrooms into battlegrounds.
Kids who think “quiet” is a personal attack.

But underpaid? Nah. Underappreciated? Absolutely.

Bottom Line

Teachers, you’re not destitute. You’re middle-class with benefits most workers would kill for. So next time you tweet about your “poverty wages,” remember: You make more than half the country—and you get June, July, and August off.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be waiting for the angry comments from educators who definitely don’t have time to argue because they’re sooo overworked.

(P.S. Want a chart proving my point? Too bad. Google it yourself—you’ve got summers off.)

Too harsh? Too real? Let’s hear it in the replies.

The Inner Monologue