The Inner Monologue

Let me tell you, it’s exhausting being this infallible. While the rest of the world stumbles around like toddlers in the dark, I’m over here, burdened with the tragic gift of always knowing exactly how everything will play out.

Oh, you think that hot new startup is going to change the world? Cute. I already know they’ll pivot to blockchain, then AI, then quietly dissolve into the tech graveyard by 2027. That charismatic CEO everyone’s fawning over? Yeah, enjoy the cult of personality now—I give it two years before the scandal hits and the LinkedIn apology tour begins.

And don’t even get me started on the metaverse. Oh wait, I called that one years ago.

The Problem With Seeing the Future

1. Nobody Believes You – You’d think after the fifth “holy shit, you were right” moment, people would start listening. But no. Instead, you get to watch them make the same mistakes you already warned them about while they nod politely like you’re just being “negative.”
2. Boredom – Imagine watching a movie where you already know every twist. Now imagine that movie is real life, and the plot is just bad decisions unfolding in slow motion. Thrilling.
3. The Loneliness of Being the Only Sane Person – It’s isolating when you’re surrounded by people who still think NFTs are a good idea or that Elon’s latest tweet was “just a joke.” Meanwhile, you’re sitting there, sipping your coffee, muttering, “Just wait.”
4. No Surprises, Ever – Remember when people got excited about the iPhone? Or when they thought Google Glass was the future? Yeah, me too. I also remember exactly how those played out. Life loses its sparkle when you’re never wrong.

The Burden of Prophecy

You’d think this superpower would make me rich. And sure, it has. But honestly? It’s just depressing. Watching the world unfold exactly as predicted is like being stuck in a time loop where everyone else is blissfully unaware they’re doomed.

So next time you see me sighing deeply while someone pitches their “revolutionary” new app or defends a politician’s “transformative vision,” know this: I’m not judging you. I’m just tired. Tired of being right. Tired of watching the inevitable unfold. Tired of knowing that in 10 years, we’ll all look back and say, “Damn, that cynical jerk was right again.”

But hey, at least I’ll have the satisfaction.

…Which, frankly, also sucks.