The Inner Monologue

Ah, the human brain—a majestic, sponge-like organ capable of profound thought, deep reasoning, and… checks notes… immediately forgetting 90% of what it consumes. And yet, here we are, absolutely ravenous for bite-sized facts that will vanish from our memory the moment something shinier comes along.

We don’t want knowledge, oh no. We want trivia. The intellectual equivalent of eating a handful of popcorn and calling it dinner.

Game Shows: The Holy Temple of Useless Facts

Why do we love game shows? Because they feed us random information in a high-stakes, low-consequence environment. “What is the capital of Burkina Faso?” WHO CARES? But if you put a timer on it and some dramatic music, suddenly we’re on the edge of our seats. Ouagadougou! we scream triumphantly, as if this will ever matter in our daily lives. Spoiler: It won’t. But for one glorious moment, we feel like geniuses.

Lightning Round Science Facts: For When You Want to Sound Smart at Parties

“Did you know octopuses have three hearts?” Wow! Amazing! Will this change my life? No. Will I bring it up at a barbecue to seem interesting? Absolutely. We crave these factoids like intellectual junk food—easy to consume, momentarily satisfying, and utterly devoid of nutritional value for our brains.

Listicles: The Fast Food of Learning

“27 Facts That Will Blow Your Mind (But Not Enough to Remember Tomorrow)”—yes, please! We’ll devour these like candy, nodding along as we learn that honey never spoils or that bananas are berries (what even is a berry, anyway?). But ask us to read a whole scientific paper on banana taxonomy? Hard pass. We have a strict attention span budget, and it maxes out at bullet points.

The Golden Rule: Entertain Me, But Do It Quickly

Here’s the deal: We’ll absorb a fun fact if it’s delivered in under 30 seconds. Any longer, and our brains go, “Oh, this is actual learning? No thanks.” A two-minute video? Maybe. A 10-minute lecture? Only if there are memes. A full research article? Not unless it’s summarized in a tweet with emojis.

So let’s raise a glass to trivia—the fleeting, frivolous joy of knowing things that don’t matter, for exactly as long as it takes to impress someone (or more likely, annoy them). Because in the end, what’s the point of knowledge if not to immediately forget it and replace it with something equally useless tomorrow?

Ouagadougou, my friends. Ouagadougou.