The Inner Monologue

Ah, the eternal struggle of modern life: Where did I put that thing? Keys, phone, dignity—all vanish into the abyss of your own home, only to reappear in the most nonsensical places. But fear not, fellow chaos enthusiasts, because I’ve stumbled upon a life-changing organizational principle so stupidly simple that you’ll dismiss it immediately.

Introducing: First Order of Retrieval Organization (FORO, because everything needs a pretentious acronym).

Here’s how it works:

1. Look for something.
2. Remember the first place you looked, even if it wasn’t there. (This is where your brain expected it to be. Fascinating, right? Almost like your subconscious knows better than you do.)
3. When you finally find it (probably in the fridge because your life is a joke), put it back in the first place you looked.

Boom. Over time, everything migrates to the place your idiot brain thinks it should be. No more elaborate labeling systems, no more Marie Kondo-induced existential crises—just pure, unadulterated habitual convenience.

“But wait,” you cry, “that’s too easy! I prefer the thrill of turning my house upside down like a raccoon searching for leftovers!” Fine. Keep your chaos. But don’t come crying to me when you find your car keys in the silverware drawer again because you refused to embrace the inevitable.

FORO: Because eventually, everything should be exactly where you expect it—even if that expectation is completely irrational.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go put my TV remote in the laundry hamper, where I obviously keep it.