The Inner Monologue

Let’s face it—modern decision-making is a dumpster fire of overthinking. We’ve turned buying a toaster into a multi-week research project complete with spreadsheets, Reddit threads, and existential dread. But when you actually need something—like a car, a house, or a refrigerator before your groceries liquefy—you don’t have time for that nonsense.

Enter the “Shut Up and Buy It” Method, a brutally simple way to make decisions without losing your damn mind.

How It Works (Because Apparently You Need Instructions to Not Overcomplicate Things)

1. The first thing you see is the one to beat. Walk onto a car lot? The first decent car you look at is now the benchmark. House hunting? The first livable place is your starting point. Congratulations, you now have a baseline. This isn’t marriage—it’s a transaction.
2. The next option only matters if it’s better than the last. Found a second car with better mileage? Cool, that’s now the one to beat. The third house has a shorter commute? New leader. You are not allowed to suddenly pine for the sunroom in House #1 or the cupholders in Car #2. That’s cheating, and also, shut up.
3. When nothing beats the last one, you buy it. That’s it. No second-guessing, no revisiting past options like some kind of consumer-grade time traveler. You stop when you hit “good enough,” because “perfect” is a myth sold to you by marketing departments and your own anxiety.

Why This Works (And Why You’ll Hate It)

• It forces forward motion. You’re not stuck in an endless loop of re-evaluating every past option. Comparison is only allowed in one direction: next.
• It kills nostalgia for things you never even owned. That first car wasn’t “the one that got away”—it was just the first one you saw. Stop romanticizing hypotheticals.
• It respects the reality of diminishing returns. The difference between “good” and “perfect” is usually marginal, but the time and stress cost? Astronomical.

Exceptions (Because Pedants Gonna Pedant)

• If you have the luxury of time and enjoy crafting elaborate decision matrices, knock yourself out. This method is for people who need to act, not hobbyist spreadsheet artists.
• If something is genuinely terrible (like, “this car smells like a crime scene” terrible), skip it. But if it’s just not perfect? Keep moving.

Final Thought: Just Pick Something

The real cost of analysis paralysis isn’t the time wasted—it’s the mental energy you burn stressing over a choice that, in five years, won’t even matter. The “Shut Up and Buy It” Method isn’t about recklessness; it’s about recognizing that most decisions are reversible, and very few are life-ruining.

So go forth. Find a thing. Compare it only to the next thing. And when nothing beats it? Buy it and move on with your life.

(Or don’t, and keep agonizing. See if I care.)