The Inner Monologue

Ah, free speech—the noble principle that allows every person with an internet connection or a soapbox to share their hottest takes, wildest conspiracy theories, and most baffling life choices with the world. And thank goodness for that! Without it, how would we know which flat-Earther has the best geometric proof that airplanes are actually government holograms? How would we track which self-proclaimed alpha male spent $5,000 on a “biohacking” routine that’s just drinking celery juice while standing in a freezer?

But here’s the thing: just because you can say (or do, or believe) something doesn’t mean you’re entitled to a straight face in response. In fact, the moment you declare that birds aren’t real, that vaccines contain 5G nanobots, or that your astrology chart explains why you’re bad at relationships, you have—by the very laws of comedy and common sense—volunteered yourself as tribute for the great cosmic roast session.

Freedom of Speech ≠ Freedom from Consequences (Especially Laughter)

Yes, in many places, you are legally free to:

• Argue that the moon landing was faked by Stanley Kubrick (despite him being busy making 2001: A Space Odyssey at the time).
• Wear socks with sandals as a “fashion statement.”
• Claim your essential oils can cure polio, depression, and your ex’s new relationship.

But here’s the kicker: nowhere in the Constitution, the Magna Carta, or the Terms of Service of Life does it say that stupidity must be treated with solemn reverence. If you say something ridiculous, people will laugh. If you do something ridiculous, people will point. If you believe something ridiculous, people will screenshot it and share it in group chats forever.

Ridicule Is a Public Service

Mockery isn’t just entertainment—it’s a vital social immune response. When bad ideas go unchallenged, they fester. When absurdity isn’t laughed at, it gains confidence. And before you know it, you’ve got grown adults arguing in earnest that dinosaurs were Satan’s beta test for humans or that kale is a CIA mind-control vegetable.

So no, we will not “just respect everyone’s opinions.” Some opinions are objectively hilarious. Some actions demand a slow clap. Some beliefs are so divorced from reality that the only humane response is to point, laugh, and hope the sheer force of collective embarrassment snaps them back to sanity.

Conclusion: Embrace the Roast

If you’re about to post, say, or do something monumentally silly, ask yourself: Am I prepared to be the meme? If the answer is no, maybe reconsider. If the answer is yes, godspeed—just don’t whine when the internet does what it does best.

Because in the grand tradition of human civilization, ridicule is not just a right—it’s a duty. Someone’s got to keep the clowns in check. Might as well be us.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go fact-check a tweet claiming that the pyramids were built by aliens who were really into geometric interior design. For science.