Remember the golden era of FREEDOM FRIES? That glorious time when France dared to question our foreign policy, and we responded with the ultimate power move—renaming deep-fried potatoes like it was the Boston Tea Party all over again! Well, buckle up, buttercup, because Uncle Sam is back with a BRAND-NEW SCHEME to mandate your patriotism—whether you like it or not!

Introducing the “AMERICAN-MADE-OR-BROKE ACT”—because nothing says “land of the free” like the government strong-arming you into paying triple for a toaster!

THE PLAN: TAX FOREIGN GOODS INTO OBLIVION (AND YOUR WALLET INTO THE STONE AGE)

That’s right, folks! No more “cheap” foreign junk cluttering up our proud American homes! Why settle for an affordable TV when you could have a hand-forged, artisanal, bald-eagle-engraved flat-screen for the low, low price of your firstborn child’s college fund?

• T-shirts? Now 100% more expensive and featuring 50% more American flag embroidery!
• Olive oil? Forget that suspiciously European liquid gold—enjoy the bold, patriotic taste of American vegetable oil instead!
• Electronics? Who needs sleek, efficient foreign gadgets when you can have a USA-certified brick that plays the national anthem every time it overheats?

And sure, some spineless globalists might whine about “consumer choice” and “inflation.” But let’s be real—those are just fancy synonyms for “I hate America.”

BONUS BENEFITS YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED

1. A NATIONAL FITNESS PROGRAM (BY FORCE)

Lugging around your 50-pound American-made shopping cart will give you the biceps of a 1776 minuteman! Who needs a gym membership when every trip to Walmart is an extreme weightlifting session?

2. CREATIVE PROBLEM-SOLVING (BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE)

Why buy a fancy Italian espresso machine when you can MacGyver a coffee drip using old socks and a hubcap? Innovation thrives under pressure, and nothing says “American ingenuity” like duct-taping your appliances back together!

3. MAXIMUM SECURITY (NO FOREIGN SPIES IN YOUR TOASTER!)

With 100% American-made products, you’ll never have to worry about suspicious foreign agents hiding in your blender. Enjoy the peace of mind that comes with knowing your microwave was assembled by a red-blooded patriot who definitely doesn’t know how to spell “surveillance.”

THE BOTTOM LINE: PAY UP OR YOU’RE A TRAITOR

So the next time you reach for that “imported” bottle of ketchup, ask yourself: Do you hate freedom? Are you actively rooting against apple pie and baseball? Because if you’re not willing to pay $12 for a single American-made sock, then frankly, you’re part of the problem.

This isn’t just about economics—it’s about LOYALTY. It’s about proving your patriotism one overpriced, underperforming product at a time.

So get out there, comrades, and SHOP ‘MURICAN! Remember: The only thing more American than freedom is the freedom to pay through the nose for it!

GOD BLESS AMERICA (AND OUR GROCERY BILLS). 🇺🇸🔥💸