Let’s talk about peer review—that annoying little gatekeeper standing between you and your right to declare yourself an expert after three hours of Googling. You might think your hot take on mRNA vaccines (based entirely on a Joe Rogan podcast and a meme you saw) is bulletproof, but here’s the thing: if the only person who’s reviewed your sources is an algorithm designed to feed you conspiracy theories, you are not, in fact, a scientist.

Why Peer Review Exists (Spoiler: To Save You From Yourself)

Peer review is like the bouncer at the club of credible information. It doesn’t care how loudly you yell “I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!”—if your “research” is just a Google search and a hunch, you’re not getting in.

Here’s what it does for you (since you clearly need the help):

• Prevents you from citing a TikTok as a primary source (yes, even the one with the dramatic music and flashing text).
• Stops you from accidentally joining a Flat Earth conference (those people do not give refunds).
• Saves you from becoming the person who shares an Onion article unironically (we’ve all been there, but peer review could’ve spared you the shame).

The “Trust Me, Bro” Method of Science (And Why It’s a Disaster)

Not all studies are created equal. Some are rigorous, peer-reviewed, and actually mean something. Others are, well… whatever this is:

🔬 Actual Peer-Reviewed Science:

✅ Published in a journal that doesn’t also sell male enhancement pills.
✅ Includes phrases like “further research is needed” instead of “WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!”
✅ Survived a gauntlet of critics who actually have PhDs (not just a podcast and a Patreon).

🤡 Unverified Internet Nonsense:

❌ The “study” is just a screenshot of a tweet with 27 typos.
❌ The author’s credentials include “I did my own research (on Reddit).”
❌ The conclusion is basically “scientists are hiding the truth (because they hate freedom).”

How to Tell the Difference Without Getting a Degree (Because Let’s Be Real, You Won’t)

1. Check the journal name.

• If it sounds like “Journal of Obvious Stuff We Made Up Last Week,” it’s probably garbage.
• If it’s Nature or The Lancet, congrats—you found something real (or at least not completely insane).

1. Google the authors.

• If their last publication was “Why the Moon Landing Was Filmed in My Backyard,” maybe don’t trust them on vaccines.
• If they’ve ever said “I’m not a doctor, but…” and then kept talking, close the tab.

1. Does it sound like a bad movie plot?

• If the headline includes “THEY don’t want you to know this!”, “SHOCKING revelation!”, or “What BIG PHARMA is hiding!”, it’s not science. It’s fanfiction for paranoid people.

What Happens When You Ignore Peer Review?

• You become the person who argues with their doctor about ivermectin. (Spoiler: You lose.)
• You accidentally fund a grifter’s new Tesla. (Those “wellness gurus” aren’t using their own money, you know.)
• You end up on r/confidentlyincorrect. (And it will be screenshotted. Forever.)

Final Thought: Peer Review Isn’t Perfect—But Neither Are You

Yes, sometimes bad studies slip through. Yes, academia moves at the speed of a snail on Xanax. But the alternative? A free-for-all where every Substack blogger with a vendetta and a PayPal link gets to call themselves a “researcher.”

So next time you’re about to share that “STUNNING new study they’re SUPPRESSING!”, ask yourself: Did actual scientists check this, or did it come from a guy in his mom’s basement with a YouTube channel and a persecution complex?

Your future self (and anyone who still respects you) will be grateful.

— Signed, Someone Who’s Tired of Explaining Why Facebook Memes Aren’t Data