FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Washington, D.C. — September 2025 — In a bold step toward total peace of mind (and total alignment with the Oval Office), PrismErase™ today unveiled its groundbreaking service: a fully automated, real-time cleansing of your online history—fine-tuned to the current preferences, whims, and standards of the President of the United States.

🧹 What Is PrismErase™?

PrismErase™ is the world’s first Presidentially Compliant Content Sanitizer™. Using state-of-the-art algorithms, live polling data, and the president’s most recent press conference gaffes, the service detects and deletes objectionable posts across all major platforms, blogs, archives, and yes, even that cursed forum account you forgot you created in 2007.

Whether you once shared a meme deemed “unpatriotic,” liked a band the president has suddenly declared “culturally corrosive,” or dared to suggest that pineapple on pizza might be okay (unacceptable this week), PrismErase™ ensures that you stay in perfect ideological sync.

🔄 How It Works

1. Daily Directives – Our system pulls the president’s latest speeches, tweets, and offhand mutterings on hot mics.
2. Adaptive Filtering – Advanced AI interprets these signals to define today’s standard of what’s “acceptable.”
3. Total Scrub – Your online history is instantly updated, rewritten, or erased to reflect the approved narrative.

(Note: Standards may change multiple times per day. Service speed not guaranteed during State of the Union week.)

✨ Key Features

• Retroactive Loyalty™ – Yesterday’s wrongthink becomes today’s unwavering patriotism.
• Selective Memory Mode™ – Not only are your posts deleted, but they are also replaced with eerily on-brand commentary you “definitely” wrote at the time.
• FutureProof™ Upgrade – Optional add-on where we pre-delete your unwritten posts, ensuring compliance with tomorrow’s inevitable reversal.

🛡️ Who Needs It?

• Job seekers worried about HR googling them.
• Politicians seeking reelection in a shifting climate.
• Citizens who simply want to avoid the knock at the door.

🎤 Official Statement

“Our vision is simple,” said PrismErase™ CEO Lila Stanton. “In a nation where yesterday’s patriot can be today’s traitor, we give Americans the gift of perfect alignment. Because history isn’t written by the winners anymore—it’s scrubbed by us.”

📦 Availability

PrismErase™ launches immediately under three pricing tiers:

• Basic: Deletes posts in English only.
• Pro: Includes all memes, TikToks, and ironic emojis.
• Supreme Executive Package: Real-time deletion, plus complimentary weekly edits to your family photo albums.

Subscriptions start at $19.99/month—or free if you provide a sworn loyalty oath and grant PrismErase™ perpetual access to your digital soul.