The Inner Monologue

Let’s face it—most people’s understanding of the natural world is about as deep as a puddle after five minutes of drizzle. They see a weird rock and think, “Huh, neat.” They hear thunder and assume Zeus is cranky. They stumble upon a fossil and whisper, “The devil put that there to test us.”

Folks, this is why we can’t have nice things.

The Problem: People Blame Magic (or Worse) When They Don’t Get Science

If you don’t grasp the basics of geology, you’ll be the person who thinks earthquakes are divine punishment. If meteorology escapes you, you’ll argue that hurricanes are caused by gay marriage (yes, people actually believe this). If biology is a mystery, you’ll insist that vaccines are a government plot to microchip you—ignoring the fact that your smartphone already tracks you better than any microchip ever could.

And don’t even get me started on paleontology. Nothing exposes scientific illiteracy faster than someone holding a dinosaur bone and saying, “But the Earth is only 6,000 years old!” (Spoiler: It’s not. The coffee in your cup is older than that.)

Why This Matters (Besides Saving Humanity from Itself)

When you don’t understand how things actually work, you fall for nonsense. You panic over “chem trails” instead of learning how weather systems function. You think fracking is going to causes major earthquakes because you don’t know what tectonic plates are. (The USGS has documented cases where earthquakes have been linked to hydraulic fracturing, but these are typically small and localized.) You believe in healing crystals because you failed mineralogy (metaphorically and possibly literally).

The natural world operates on observable, testable principles—not vibes, not ancient myths, and definitely not whatever conspiracy theory just popped up on your uncle’s Facebook feed.

The Solution: Learn the Damn Basics

You don’t need a PhD in every ology, but here’s a radical idea: read a book. Or watch a documentary. Or, hell, just Google things before you declare them “supernatural.”

• Geology: Rocks aren’t just “there.” They tell a story. A really, really old one.
• Meteorology: Weather isn’t “God’s wrath.” It’s physics and fluid dynamics.
• Biology: Life isn’t “random.” Evolution is a thing. A proven thing.
• Paleontology: Dinosaurs were real, they’re dead now, and no, they didn’t sail on Noah’s Ark.

Final Thought: Stop Mystifying the Mundane

The world is fascinating enough without slapping “magic” or “divine intervention” on everything you don’t understand. Science isn’t a belief system—it’s a method for figuring stuff out. And if you refuse to engage with it, you’re basically choosing to live in the Dark Ages.

So do us all a favor: Learn something. Or at least stop pretending your ignorance is as valid as centuries of research.

Because I’m Tired of Explaining That No, the Full Moon Doesn’t Make People Crazy