Your 20s Career Advice Is Garbage. Here’s What Actually Works.

Welcome to adulthood, where everyone’s screaming “follow your passion!” while quietly drowning in student debt. You’ve been fed lies like “hard work always pays off” (lol) and “just be yourself!” (unless “yourself” is bad at Excel).

Newsflash: Success in your 20s isn’t about luck or vibes—it’s about playing the game better than the clueless NPCs around you. And the game’s secret rule? Care deeply… but not too deeply.

Here’s how to pull off that emotional paradox without turning into a corporate pod person.

Step One: Fake a Lifelong Commitment Like a Romance Scammer

Your boss thinks you’re here for the “culture.” Joke’s on them—you’re here to extract every skill, dollar, and LinkedIn connection before you vanish like a ghost at sunrise.

But you’ll play the loyal employee so well, you might almost believe it yourself. Show up early (sometimes). Nail deadlines (always). Pretend you care about the quarterly report on widget synergy. Become the person they’d cry over losing. Why? Because nothing makes a company value you like the fear of you leaving.

Pro Tip: Use phrases like “long-term vision” and “career growth here” with a straight face.

Step Two: Keep Your Exit Strategy Tighter Than Your Skinny Jeans

Meanwhile, in your real life:

Your résumé is perpetually updated.
Your LinkedIn is a highlight reel of fake-smiling professionalism.
You’re stealing skills like a kleptomaniac at a free webinar buffet.

Your job is a stepping stone, not a soulmate. The second something better appears—more money, cooler work, a boss who doesn’t call 4 p.m. Friday “urgent”—you’re out. No guilt. No “but they need me.” Just poof.

Why This Two-Faced Strategy Works

If you stay? You’re the golden child getting promotions.
If you leave? You’re the genius who outgrew the place.
If you get fired? Joke’s on them—you’ve been networking like a spy.

Losers get comfortable. Winners get options.

5 Brutal Rules to Live By

Your job is a paid internship for your next job. Milk it dry.
Loyalty = leverage. The more they think you’re loyal, the more they’ll pay to keep you.
Skills > titles. Nobody cares if you were “Assistant to the Regional Manager” if you can’t pivot a table.
Your 30-year-old self will high-five you for maxing out your 401(k).
Always. Be. Interviewing. Even if you’re happy, take the call. Salary benchmarks don’t grow on trees.

The Parting Reality Check

Let’s be real: your dream job doesn’t exist yet. It’s hiding behind 2–3 shitty jobs you’ll outgrow. Your 20s are about stacking skills, cash, and connections so you can bail the second the ceiling starts looking low.

So yeah, hustle like you’ll stay forever. But pack your parachute like you’ll jump tomorrow.

Now go forth and exploit capitalism back.

Want to make your boss sweat? Forward this to a coworker and accidentally CC HR.

The Inner Monologue