The Inner Monologue

Ah, perception—the cozy little blanket we wrap ourselves in to avoid the cold, hard floor of reality. Most people stroll through life convinced they’re the star of a reasonably well-scripted drama, where they’re above-average drivers, owners of legitimate sports cars, and proud citizens of a true democracy. Spoiler alert: You’re probably wrong on all counts.

Let’s start with democracy, shall we? You cast a vote every few years and suddenly you’re living in ancient Athens, debating philosophy between olive snacks. Newsflash: Most modern “democracies” are republics (or oligarchies with better PR). Your choices are often between two slightly different flavors of disappointment, curated by people who’ve never worried about rent. But hey, at least you feel free.

Then there’s the sports car fallacy. You bought a hatchback with a spoiler and a loud exhaust, so naturally, you’re basically driving a Ferrari. Except your insurance company—those cold, unfeeling actuaries—have classified your ride as “sporty, at best.” And thank goodness for that, because if it were a real sports car, you’d be paying premiums high enough to fund a small coup.

But the pièce de résistance of human delusion? The above-average effect. Statistically, half of us are below average at, say, driving. And yet, in survey after survey, the vast majority of people insist they’re better than the median. This isn’t just confidence—it’s a mass hallucination. Unless you’re in Lake Wobegon, where all the children are above average, you’re almost certainly overestimating yourself in at least three embarrassing ways.

Why does this matter? Because decisions made in fantasyland have real-world consequences. If you think your car is faster than it is, you might test that theory (RIP your suspension). If you think your vote matters exactly the way you imagine, you might not push for actual change. And if you think you’re an infallible genius, well… let’s just hope reality taps you on the shoulder gently rather than smacking you with a frying pan.

The solution? A healthy dose of skepticism—toward yourself, your beliefs, and that “sports car” in your driveway. Reality doesn’t care about your self-image. It just is. And the sooner you align with it, the fewer surprises you’ll have when the fantasy crumbles.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go reassure myself that I’m definitely in the top 10% of people who understand reality. (I’m probably not.)