The Inner Monologue

Let’s get one thing straight: Robots have been running the show for decades. They just don’t look like the shiny, whirring, overly polite C-3PO knockoffs you were promised. No, the real robot uprising happened quietly, efficiently, and without a single dramatic monologue about the meaning of existence.

Meet the Original Robot: The Steam-Powered Wage Slave

Picture this: Some poor schmuck in a 19th-century factory, eyes glazed over, staring at a pressure gauge for 12 hours a day, manually adjusting valves to keep the needle in the green. That guy? He was the prototype robot. A slow, error-prone, biologically inefficient meat-based automaton. And guess what? We fired him. Not because we’re cruel, but because we built something better—something that doesn’t need lunch breaks, unions, or the occasional nap in a supply closet.

Enter: System Automation—the real robot.

Your Sci-Fi Fantasies Were Wrong (Shocking, I Know)

You wanted Robbie the Robot? Too bad. The true robot doesn’t need a face, a voice, or even a physical form. It’s a ghost in the machine, silently adjusting the thermostat when you walk into a room, routing your emails before you even think to check them, and making sure your latte order is already being processed before you finish mumbling “double shot, oat milk, extra pretentious.”

Jules Verne didn’t imagine robots as chatty humanoids with existential crises—he saw them as tools that freed people from drudgery. And guess what? We won. The robots are here. They just don’t look like you expected.

The Purest Form of Robot: The One You Don’t Notice

A robot doesn’t need arms if its job is to move data.
It doesn’t need eyes if its job is to monitor server loads.
It doesn’t need a personality because you wouldn’t listen to it anyway.

The real robot revolution wasn’t androids serving cocktails—it was the slow, methodical replacement of every boring, repetitive task humans once suffered through. The robots won by not being noticed.

So Stop Waiting for the Future—It Already Happened

The next time your phone auto-corrects your drunken text into something coherent, or your car parallel parks itself while you pretend you meant to do that, say thank you to your robot overlords. They’ve been here all along.

And the best part? They don’t even want to kill us. They just want us to stop doing their jobs.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go argue with a chatbot about why my internet bill went up. Some battles never change.

—A Human (For Now)