The Inner Monologue

Let’s be honest—you’ve spent your life working hard, saving, and making smart financial decisions. And now you’re thinking of just handing that money to your kids? Bold move. Let’s see how that plays out.

Scenario 1: The Great Inheritance Blowout

You die. Your grieving heirs receive a life-changing sum of money. What happens next?

• Your son immediately quits his job to “find himself” (translation: plays video games for 14 months).
• Your daughter invests in a “sure thing” (a llama farm, a screenplay, or an NFT of a meme).
• Your nephew—who you barely even like—somehow gets a cut and blows it all on a “business opportunity” (a.k.a. a pyramid scheme).

Three years later, the money is gone, everyone is bitter, and your legacy is now a cautionary tale at family gatherings. Nice.

Scenario 2: The Family Hunger Games

Even if your kids are responsible (lol), money has a funny way of turning siblings into rivals. Suddenly:

• Your oldest is convinced you loved the youngest more.
• Your middle child (already ignored in life) is now also ignored in the will.
• Your estranged cousin materializes out of nowhere, demanding their “fair share.”

Congratulations! Your death just turned Thanksgiving into a true-crime documentary.

So What’s the Smarter Play?

If you actually want your money to do some good (and not just fund bad decisions), here’s your cheat sheet:

1. The “Trust Fund, Not a Slush Fund” Approach

A trust is like giving your kids an allowance from beyond the grave. You set the rules:

• ✅ Yes, you can have money… for a house, school, or emergency surgery.
• ❌ No, you cannot have money… for a “vision quest,” a Tesla, or your third divorce lawyer.

They’ll whine about it. Good. That means it’s working.

2. The “Spend It While You’re Alive” Power Move

Why let your kids waste your money when you could enjoy it?

• Take that luxury cruise.
• Buy the ridiculous sports car.
• Fund your own midlife crisis in style.

Best case? They learn financial responsibility by watching you.
Worst case? You die with zero regrets (and zero dollars left for them to fight over).

3. The “Charity Troll” Finale

Leave just enough to your kids to make them mad. Like, “Here’s $5,000—also, I donated the rest to save endangered tree frogs.”

Will they be furious? Absolutely.
Will it be hilarious? Absolutely.

The Takeaway

If you really love your kids, don’t just dump cash into their laps. Make them earn it, restrict it, or—better yet—spend it all yourself.

Because nothing says “I love you” like a well-structured trust and the petty joy of controlling them from the afterlife.

—Your Future Self, Laughing from Beyond the Grave