The Inner Monologue

Oh, New Mexico. Land of enchantment, green chile, and a health care system held together by duct tape and the sheer willpower of the three remaining doctors who haven’t fled to Texas yet.

But fear not! The Legislative Finance Committee has stumbled upon a radical new strategy to fix our physician exodus: paying doctors like they’re valuable professionals instead of indentured servants.

The Obvious Solution No One Wanted to Say Out Loud

For years, we’ve watched doctors pack their bags while our leaders wring their hands and mutter, “Why won’t they stay? We gave them a ‘Thank You, Healthcare Heroes’ billboard!” Meanwhile, states with functioning brains (and budgets) have been throwing money at physicians like it’s confetti. And—shocker—doctors went where the money was.

But now, in a stunning display of common sense, the LFC has proposed a five-step plan that might as well be titled:

“How to Not Be a Dumpster Fire for Medical Professionals”

1. Pay Them More Than a Barista
Medicaid and Medicare reimbursements in New Mexico are so low, doctors might as well set up a GoFundMe between patients. The solution? Pay them competitively. Mind. Blown.

2. Wipe Out Their Soul-Crushing Student Debt
Medical school costs roughly the same as a small moon. So, the LFC suggests spending $41 million to erase debt for 200 doctors. That’s $205K per doc—AKA the actual cost of their education. This is cheaper than watching UNM med grads sprint to Arizona the second they graduate.

3. Stop Making Licensing a Kafkaesque Nightmare
Instead of burying new docs under a mountain of bureaucratic sludge, Rep. Marianna Anaya’s bill would streamline credentialing. Wild concept: make it easy for them to work here.

4. Help Them Buy a House (So They Don’t Leave in Two Years)
Doctors are humans (allegedly). Humans like homes. Help them with down payments, and suddenly they might stick around long enough to learn your name.

5. Don’t Hand All the Money to Corporate Vampires
Instead of funneling cash to out-of-state healthcare conglomerates (who promptly pocket it and vanish), this plan directs funds to actual doctors. Revolutionary.

“But Won’t This Cost Money?”

Yes. And you know what costs more money?

• Flying in temporary “locum tenens” docs at triple the price.
• Watching rural clinics collapse because no one wants to work for peanuts.
• Pretending goodwill alone will fix a systemic crisis.

The Bar Is So Low It’s a Tripping Hazard

This isn’t genius—it’s the bare minimum. Other states have been doing this for years while New Mexico played “Maybe if we ignore it, it’ll go away.”

If we actually want doctors to stay, we have to treat them like we need them. Because—spoiler alert—we do.

So, lawmakers, here’s your chance. Stop acting shocked that doctors won’t work for vibes. Pay them. Support them. Or get used to driving to Colorado for your next checkup.