The Inner Monologue

Ah, the miracle of modern technology! One day, you’re squatting on your sidewalk with a magnifying glass, painstakingly tallying ants like some kind of deranged accountant. The next, you’ve got a fancy AI-powered webcam counting every six-legged commuter 24/7. And shockingly, your ant numbers skyrocket!

“Ant Population Explodes Overnight!” screams the headline. But did it? Or did we just finally notice all the ants that were already there, marching around like they pay rent?

This, my friends, is the classic “better counting ≠ more things” fallacy. It happens everywhere:

• Crime stats up? Maybe cops started reporting things that were always happening but previously got filed under “eh, whatever.”
• Autism diagnoses rising? Could it be that we got better at recognizing it instead of just calling kids “quirky” or “little professors”?
• UFO sightings surging? Nah, everyone just has a 4K camera in their pocket now instead of a potato.

The next time someone breathlessly announces a “staggering increase” in something, ask: “Or did you just turn on the lights?”

Because unless ants have secretly mastered rapid asexual reproduction (and if they have, we’re all doomed), maybe—just maybe—the numbers jumped because we stopped relying on Dave squinting at the pavement for five minutes every Tuesday.

Stay skeptical, folks. And if you really want fewer ants? Stop dropping crumbs. Technology can’t fix that.