The Inner Monologue

When I was younger—much younger, back when my joints didn’t sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies every time I stood up—nobody listened to me. And let’s be clear: I was right. About everything. Mostly. But because I hadn’t yet accumulated enough birthdays to qualify as a “sage elder,” my insights were dismissed as the chirpings of an over-caffeinated sparrow.

Fast forward to today, and suddenly, every half-baked thought that dribbles out of my mouth is treated like gospel. Not because I’ve magically become wiser, but because I’ve successfully avoided death long enough to qualify for an AARP card.

Let’s be real: Age does not equal wisdom. Wisdom equals wisdom. Experience equals “I’ve seen some stuff.” And survival? Survival just means you were lucky enough not to eat the purple flower that kills you, unlike Dave from accounting, who we lost in ’09. (RIP, Dave. You were an idiot, but at least you proved my point.)

The same chuckleheads who once argued that the moon landing was fake because “it just feels off” are now being paraded around as fonts of knowledge simply because they’ve managed not to walk into traffic for a few decades. Meanwhile, some 19-year-old is over there explaining why your supply chain strategy is a dumpster fire, and you’re ignoring them because what could they possibly know?

Newsflash: Wisdom isn’t a side effect of aging. It’s the result of paying attention, thinking critically, and—here’s the kicker—listening to good ideas, regardless of where they come from. The old guy in the boardroom insisting that “team-building means cramming six people into a cubicle like sardines” isn’t wise. He’s just nostalgic for the days when OSHA was a suggestion, not a regulation.

So here’s my hot take: Stop conflating wrinkles with wisdom. Listen to the kid who knows why your IT infrastructure is held together with duct tape. Ignore the fossil who thinks “synergy” is still a cutting-edge business strategy. And for the love of all that is holy, stop pretending that surviving longer automatically makes you smarter.

Because if that were true, cockroaches would be running the world.

And last I checked, they’re not.

(Mostly.)