The Inner Monologue

Ah, the good old days—when brand names were so powerful they became the product. When your grandma asked for a Kleenex, she didn’t want a facial tissue like some kind of peasant. She wanted Kleenex, the undisputed champion of nose-wiping. If you dared hand her a “generic tissue,” she’d probably clutch her pearls so hard they’d turn to dust.

And let’s not forget Xerox. Oh, sweet, sweet Xerox—the brand so dominant that people didn’t photocopy things, they Xeroxed them. Other companies? They didn’t exist. If you walked into an office in 1985 and asked for a “Canon copy,” you’d be laughed out of the building and possibly exiled to the breakroom to think about what you’d done.

Fast forward to today, and what do we have? A sad, brand-agnostic wasteland. People call every smartphone an “iPhone” out of sheer laziness, yet Apple hasn’t sued the entire human race into oblivion. Tesla should be the “Kleenex of EVs,” but no—somehow we’re stuck saying “electric car” like it’s 2008 and we’re still impressed by a Prius.

What happened? Did brands just give up? Did lawyers stop caring? Or are we all so drowning in a sea of mediocre knockoffs that we’ve lost the will to demand THE REAL THING?

Back in your grandparents’ day, if you weren’t using the right brand, you were basically a caveman. Now? We’re out here calling any random VPN a “NordVPN” and every streaming stick a “Fire Stick,” and nobody bats an eye. Pathetic.

RIP, brand supremacy. You were too powerful for this weak, off-brand world.