The Inner Monologue

Oh, you’ve got a net worth? How cute. You added up your house, your 401(k), and that “vintage” Pokémon card collection you swear will fund your retirement, subtracted your crippling student loans, and now you’re walking around like Scrooge McDuck?

Newsflash: Unless you can Venmo me $5K from your illiquid assets in the next five minutes, your net worth is just Monopoly money.

Net Worth vs. Liquid Net Worth: The Wake-Up Call You Didn’t Ask For

Net Worth is the number you flex at dinner parties to impress people who don’t know any better. It includes:

• Your house (which, by the way, you still owe 20 years of mortgage payments on)
• Your car (depreciating by the second)
• Your Beanie Baby empire (RIP, 1999)
• Your 401(k) (locked up tighter than your weird uncle’s conspiracy theories)

Liquid Net Worth, on the other hand, is the cold, hard truth. It’s the cash (or near-cash) you can actually spend before your next existential crisis. Think:

• Savings accounts (if you have any left after avocado toast)
• Stocks you can sell without triggering a midlife crisis
• That emergency fund you keep meaning to start

Why Liquid Net Worth Is the Only One That Matters

1. You Can’t Pay Rent With “Potential”

Landlords don’t accept “But my Zillow estimate says my house is worth…” as legal tender. Try telling the IRS you’ll settle your tax bill in rare coins and see how that goes.

2. Emergencies Don’t Care About Your Illusions

Medical bills, layoffs, and exploding water heaters don’t wait for you to sell your collectible LEGO sets on eBay. If your “wealth” is tied up in things you can’t quickly convert to cash, you’re not wealthy—you’re just one disaster away from a GoFundMe.

3. Retirement Isn’t a Fire Sale

Unless your plan is to slowly auction off your belongings like some sad, reverse Storage Wars, you need actual spendable money. Social Security won’t cover your oat milk latte habit, Karen.

The Brutal Takeaway

If your financial plan is built on net worth alone, you’re basically planning to retire on vibes. And vibes don’t pay for dentures.

So next time someone brags about their net worth, hit ‘em with: “Cool story. How much of that can you turn into cash by Friday?” Then watch as they slowly realize they’re one bad month away from selling their soul to DoorDash.

Welcome to reality. It’s brutal here. 💸