Let’s talk about something controversial—something society has been lying to us about for years. Bathing. That’s right. I’m here to make the case for not doing it, or at least doing it way less.
Before you recoil in horror and start spraying me with Febreze, hear me out. I’m not saying we should all turn into swamp monsters (unless that’s your thing—no judgment). I’m just saying… maybe we’ve been brainwashed by Big Soap into thinking we need to lather, rinse, and repeat every single day.
My Journey to Enlightenment (And Mild Odor)
It all started when I missed a shower. Then another. Then, before I knew it, I was three days deep into what I like to call “Natural Musk Mode.” And guess what? The world didn’t end. My cat still loved me (arguably more, since I smelled like a fellow mammal). My plants didn’t wilt. My Wi-Fi still worked.
That’s when I realized: What if showers are just a scam?
The Benefits of Going Au Naturale
- Save Time – Think about all the hours you’ve wasted scrubbing yourself raw. That’s time you could spend napping, eating snacks, or staring blankly at your phone.
- Save Money – No more buying fancy shampoos that promise to make your hair “volumized unicorn silk.” Your scalp’s natural oils are free.
- Build Immunity – Germs? Pfft. If you never wash, your body becomes a battleground of survival, and only the strongest bacteria remain. You’re basically a walking science experiment.
- Repel Unwanted Attention – Tired of people bothering you? A little eau de unwashed human does wonders for personal space.
- Historical Accuracy – The ancient Romans had public baths, but medieval kings? They rarely bathed and still ruled continents. Coincidence? I think not.
But What About… The Smell?
Look, I get it. Society has conditioned us to fear our own natural scent. But let’s be real—everyone smells underneath all that lavender body wash. You’re just masking the truth.
If you’re really concerned, here are some pro tips for the semi-committed:
- Dry shampoo is your friend (or just wear a hat).
- Baby wipes for emergencies (aka “the sink bath”).
- Perfume/cologne – A spritz here, a dab there, and suddenly you’re mysterious, not musty.
Final Thoughts
Am I saying you should never bathe? Of course not. Hygiene is important (or so they tell me). But maybe—just maybe—we don’t need to do it every day. Maybe we’ve been duped by the shower-industrial complex.
So next time you think about skipping a wash, embrace it. You’re not lazy—you’re ahead of the curve.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go defend my life choices to my horrified roommate.
Stay stinky, my friends. 😏🚿❌
The Inner Monologue 
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