The Inner Monologue

Let’s be honest—most hobbies are just elaborate money pits designed to drain your bank account while convincing you that you’re “passionate” about something. Golf? Pay to torture yourself. Gaming? Say hello to $70 DLC skins for your digital cowboy. Knitting? Congrats, you’ve now bankrupted yourself for a scarf you’ll never finish.

But professional sports? Ah, now there’s a hobby that can be gloriously, blissfully cheap—as long as you don’t, you know, actually buy into it.

1. The Entertainment is Free(ish)

Between network TV, sketchy streaming sites your cousin told you about, and the guy at the bar who definitely has League Pass, you can watch just about any sport without handing over a single dollar. Sure, the leagues want you to subscribe to seventeen different services, but where’s the fun in that? Real fans know the thrill of hunting down a pixelated, laggy stream while a mysterious Russian ad for “male enhancement” flashes in the corner.

2. Tribal Bonding Without the Dues

Humans love picking sides and yelling about it. Sports give you that primal joy without requiring you to join an actual cult (looking at you, CrossFit). You can scream at a referee’s terrible call, high-five strangers, and talk endless trash—all while knowing that, deep down, none of it matters. And unlike politics or religion, no one’s going to unfriend you because you think Patrick Mahomes is overrated. (Even though you’re wrong.)

3. No Gear, No Problem

Most hobbies demand gear—expensive, pointless gear. Skiing? $1,000 for boots you’ll wear twice. Photography? Congrats, you just mortgaged your house for a lens. But sports fandom? Wear an old T-shirt from 2012, grab a beer, and boom—you’re living the dream. No one cares if your “jersey” is from Walmart or if you still call them the Washington Football Team.

4. The Drama is Already Written

Reality TV is scripted. Movies require attention spans. But sports? Pure, unscripted chaos where millionaires in spandex either become legends or fail spectacularly on live TV. The stakes feel high, but the second the game ends, you can go back to not caring. Try doing that with your fantasy novel book club.

5. The Second You Spend Money, You Lose

Here’s the catch: the moment you start buying merch, tickets, or—god help you—NFTs, the jig is up. You’re no longer a fan; you’re a revenue stream. $18 for a stadium beer? $250 for a jersey that’ll be outdated next season? $5,000 for season tickets to watch your team go 6-11? Hard pass.

The beauty of sports is that they’re already happening, whether you pay or not. So grab some snacks, yell at the TV, and enjoy the greatest free(ish) show on earth. Just don’t let them trick you into opening your wallet.

Because the only thing better than sports is not paying for sports.