The Inner Monologue

Ah, the first-world middle class—the ultimate victims of the “temporarily embarrassed millionaire” syndrome. They clutch their Starbucks lattes, scroll through Zillow listings of homes they can’t afford, and whisper to themselves, “Just a few more grind sessions, and I’ll be dining with the billionaires.”

Meanwhile, their actual proximity to financial ruin is a single medical bill, one layoff, or a bad divorce away. But no, they’d rather side with the billionaires—because someday, that could be them! Never mind that the odds of becoming a billionaire are roughly the same as being struck by lightning while winning the lottery.

The Great Lie: “We’re All Just Future Oligarchs!”

The middle class has been sold a beautiful fantasy: that wealth is a meritocracy, and if they just hustle hard enough, they’ll ascend to the ranks of the ultra-rich. This is the same logic that convinces people to oppose higher taxes on the wealthy (“But what if I’m rich one day and have to pay them?!”) or fight against worker protections (“I don’t need unions—I’m the CEO in the making!”).

Reality check: The distance between “middle class” and “ultra-rich” is a chasm wider than the Grand Canyon, while the drop to “ultra-poor” is a slippery slope with no safety net. But hey, why worry about actual economic vulnerability when you could daydream about private jets?

Bootstraps and Broken Dreams

The middle class loves to believe in bootstraps—ignoring the fact that most of the ultra-rich were born on third base. They’ll vote against social programs, scoff at welfare, and scream about “lazy freeloaders,” all while ignoring that they are one crisis away from needing help.

But no, better to punch down at the poor than risk offending their future yacht club buddies. After all, if they admit the system is rigged, they might have to stop blaming avocado toast for their inability to afford a house.

Wake Up Before You’re the One Under the Boot

The tragic irony? The ultra-rich love this delusion. They’ve convinced the middle class to fight their battles for them—keeping wages low, unions weak, and taxes lighter—because someday, that might benefit you. Spoiler: It won’t.

So next time you hear someone rant about “socialism for the poor, capitalism for the rich,” maybe ask yourself: Why am I defending people who wouldn’t even let me onto their golf course?

Until then, enjoy your side hustle—your billionaire overlords appreciate the free PR.