The Inner Monologue

Ah, fossil fuels—the industries that just won’t die, no matter how many times economics, physics, and common sense try to euthanize them. But don’t worry, Uncle Sam has a plan: subsidies forever! Because nothing says “free market” like shoveling taxpayer cash at coal, oil, and gas to keep them on life support while the rest of the world moves on.

Step 1: The Current Handout (Because Profits Aren’t Enough)

Right now, the U.S. generously gifts fossil fuels $20–$30 billion a year in direct and indirect subsidies. These include:

• Tax breaks so creative they belong in MoMA (depletion allowances, intangible drilling costs—whatever those are).
• Government-funded infrastructure (because why should oil companies pay for their own pipelines?).
• Ignoring externalities (healthcare costs from pollution? Climate disasters? Nah, that’s your problem).

Step 2: The Subsidy Escalator (Because Reality Is Inconvenient)

Renewables keep getting cheaper, but fossil fuels refuse to go quietly. So, over the next 20 years, we’ll need to pump even more money into these industries just to keep them from collapsing under their own obsolescence.

• Coal: Already a zombie industry—expect ICU-level subsidies just to keep the lights on (metaphorically, since coal plants keep shutting down).
• Oil: Still hanging on, but as EVs take over, it’ll need increasingly desperate cash injections.
• Gas: The “transition fuel” that never transitions—until it does, and then it’ll need even more welfare.

Estimated subsidy growth: $35B/year now, ballooning to $50B/year later because, hey, why stop at fiscally irresponsible?

Step 3: What This Means for You (Spoiler: It Sucks)

Total 20-year cost: $925 billion.

That breaks down to:

• $5,780 per taxpayer over two decades.
• $290 per year—just so Exxon and friends can keep pretending they’re not obsolete.

For context, that’s:

• A Netflix subscription you didn’t ask for.
• A yearly oil change—except you’re paying for the whole industry’s oil change.
• A really depressing lottery where you always lose.

Conclusion: The Future Is Subsidized (and Stupid)

Instead of investing in cheap, clean energy, we’re doubling down on the corporate equivalent of a Blockbuster membership in 2024. But sure, let’s keep pretending fossil fuels are “economically viable” while quietly funneling nearly a trillion dollars into keeping them on life support.

Want a breakdown by fuel type? Too bad—you’re already paying for all of them.

[Graphic: A sinking ship labeled “Fossil Fuels” with taxpayers bailing it out using buckets of cash.]

TL;DR: Your wallet is funding the fossil fuel industry’s midlife crisis. Enjoy the ride. 🚢💸