The Inner Monologue

How Accurate Was My 2018 Prediction About Smartphones Replacing Other Devices by 2030?

In 2018, I made a forward-looking prediction: Now, halfway to 2030, let’s examine how this forecast is holding up—and whether we’re truly moving toward a “one-device future.” The Prediction: Smartphones as the Ultimate Hub The core idea was that smartphones would become powerful enough to replace (or at least significantly reduce reliance on) other gadgets,…
“Everything is Rotting Our Brains (Except It’s Not)”

Oh no! The youth are at it again—absorbing some new form of entertainment that is obviously turning their brains into mush. Quick, sound the alarm! Call the elders! Society is crumbling because kids these days are… checks notes… enjoying stories in a slightly different format than we did. Let’s take a little trip down moral…
“Please Like and Subscribe or You’re a Monster (And Probably Dumb)”

Oh, hello there, distinguished reader. Yes, you—the one with the impeccable taste of consuming content the old-fashioned way, by reading words like some kind of intellectual aristocrat. Unlike those plebeians who just sit there slack-jawed, drooling over YouTube videos, you understand the finer things in life. Like sentences. And punctuation. Truly, we are in the…
The Great Neighborhood Schism: Hyper-Local Snobbery

Oh, wow, you live west of the park? How quaint. I, of course, reside east of the park, where the real culture is. You wouldn’t understand—your side has one fewer artisanal coffee shops per capita, so it’s basically a wasteland. I’d sooner move to a different city than cross to your barbaric side where people…
Why All My Blog Posts Are Snarky Rants

(Because You People Have the Attention Span of a Goldfish on Espresso) Oh, hello there, dear reader. You’ve stumbled upon yet another one of my signature snarky rants—congratulations on having the emotional depth of a TikTok comment section. But I see you’ve finally mustered the courage to ask: “Why are all your posts so sarcastic…
BREAKING: My Totally Real, 100% Legit Hollywood Movie Deal (You’re Welcome, Cinema)

Oh, you’re so lucky to be reading this right now, because I—yes, me—just sold the hottest, most genius screenplay to Hollywood, and it’s going to save the entire film industry. You’re welcome, Netflix. You’re welcome, humanity. Title: The Thomas Crown Affair (2025) (But Sexier, Smarter, and with More Justin Timberlake Smirking at Cameras) Starring: Plot…
HEADLINE: “The National ID-Payment Card: How America’s Most Controversial Program Became Indispensable”

January 1, 2035 WASHINGTON, D.C. — A decade ago, the idea of a single, government-issued debit card serving as both a national ID and a hub for all federal payments seemed like a political pipe dream. Critics warned of Orwellian surveillance, bureaucratic bloat, and inevitable failure. Yet today, 99.3% of legally residing Americans carry the…
“Snark: The Supreme Language of the Intellectual Elite (And Why Everyone Else is Just Whining)”

Let’s cut the pretense—snark isn’t just a style of communication. It’s the apex, the pinnacle, the shining jewel atop the garbage heap of human discourse. While lesser beings fumble with sincerity or—God forbid—politeness, the snark-savvy glide through life on a cloud of razor-sharp wit, effortlessly exposing the absurdity of existence one sarcastic quip at a…
“The Convincing” – Finally, a Show That Takes ‘Cancel Culture’ Literally

Let’s be real—TV has gotten boring. Oh, another detective solving murders? Yawn. Another antihero we’re supposed to root for? Pass the melatonin. But The Convincing? Now this is the kind of messed-up, morally bankrupt content we deserve. The Pitch: Yelp Reviews for Assassination Imagine if The Good Place and John Wick had a baby, then…
Healthcare’s Dark Ages: Why the U.S. Still Runs on Fax Machines and Prayers

Picture this: You’re bleeding out in an ER, and instead of pulling up your medical history with a few keystrokes, the doctor asks, “So… remember what medications you’re on? No? Cool, we’ll just guess.” Welcome to American healthcare, where your records are scattered like your ex’s belongings—across a dozen different hospitals, clinics, and that one…