The Inner Monologue

The Soviet Union had Gosplan, a central committee that decided how many shoes, tractors, and lightbulbs 200 million people needed. The results were legendary: factories produced record tons of steel while store shelves sat empty. Central planning may have looked good on paper, but in reality it produced waste, shortages, and a whole lot of…

Ah, professional awards—those shiny plaques, elegant glass obelisks, and embossed certificates that scream, “Look at me, I’m officially excellent!” But let’s be real: most of these accolades are about as meaningful as a “World’s Best Boss” mug you bought for yourself at Staples. Step 1: Find an Award That Sounds Legit (But Isn’t) Want to…

Let’s be real—actual science is hard. It involves things like “data,” “peer review,” and “not making stuff up.” But why bother with all that when you can just slap a fancy “-ology” on your wildest hunches and call it research? Here’s your field guide to the finest fake sciences—because nothing screams “I’m an intellectual” like…

When I was younger—much younger, back when my joints didn’t sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies every time I stood up—nobody listened to me. And let’s be clear: I was right. About everything. Mostly. But because I hadn’t yet accumulated enough birthdays to qualify as a “sage elder,” my insights were dismissed as the…

By Karen McSnarkerson Oh, joy! The small-government crowd has blessed us with yet another brilliant idea: Let states opt out of federal programs—because clearly, the best way to govern a nation is to turn it into a patchwork of mismatched policies where your basic rights depend on which side of a state line you’re standing…

Oh, the horror. The absolute tragedy of today’s youth, lounging around in their avocado toast-filled dens, refusing to contribute to society. Except—wait. Have you looked around lately? Let’s take a quick tour of reality, shall we? 1. The Young Farmers Breaking Their Backs While the rest of us complain about the Wi-Fi being slow, there…

There is a dangerous illusion that tempts many developing nations: the idea that progress can be achieved by imitation. The notion that if one simply mimics the political systems, economic structures, or cultural patterns of a superpower, success will follow. Yet history, geography, and human ingenuity suggest otherwise. Every great nation’s rise is rooted not…

I. The Industry of Suffering Imagine, for a moment, a society where the right to breathe was privatized. Where a corporation owned the air, and your ability to inhale depended on your insurance premium. Outrageous, right? Yet that is precisely what we have allowed with the pharmaceutical industry in America. The right to live without…

There’s a quiet beauty in owning things that outpace our current needs. Not in the greedy, hoarding sense, but in the aspirational one—the belief that certain objects are investments in the person we might yet become. Tools and books are the best examples of this principle: both are enablers of potential. Owning Tools: A Vote…

The electric revolution will not happen all at once. It will happen in increments, through evolution rather than proclamation. The assumption that the world can leap directly from internal combustion to pure battery power is as unrealistic as it is romantic. Batteries are still heavy, charging infrastructure is still patchy, and human behavior still clings…