The Inner Monologue

Oh, the horror—the world is burning, the poor are struggling, and somewhere, right now, a polar bear is standing on a sad little iceberg like some kind of climate change mascot. But let me ask you the real question here: Why should I give a single, solitary damn? 1. The World’s Problems Are Not My…

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the staggering, overwhelming, utterly mundane fact that there are roughly 8 billion people on this planet, each living a life as richly detailed and deeply personal as your own. Sixty-five years ago, The Naked City wrapped up each episode with the solemn declaration: “There are eight million stories in…

Let’s be real—minimalist phones are a scam. You’re paying $300+ for a black-and-white brick that can barely text, just so some tech bro on Twitter can call you “disciplined.” Meanwhile, you could be living the true minimalist dream: a $20 used phone so terrible that you’ll never want to use it unless your life depends…

Let me start by saying: I get pets. Dogs? Adorable chaos machines. Cats? Tiny narcissistic roommates who graciously allow you to live in their home. Even fish—fine, they’re basically living screensavers, but at least they shimmer prettily while you zone out. But then… there’s the others. You know who I’m talking about. The pets that…

Oh, look—another “Top 10 [Insert Obvious Thing Here]” video. And yet, here you are, clicking on it like a brainwashed lab rat desperate for the next dopamine pellet. Why? Because humans are obsessed with lists. Not because they’re useful, but because our tiny monkey brains see a numbered ranking and go, “Oooh, ORDER! ME LIKE!”…

Let’s get one thing straight—no matter where you work, what you do, or how many times you’ve muttered “I just come here to do my job and go home,” you are in a game. The only question is: Do you know which one? Maybe your workplace is a friendly round of tic-tac-toe—predictable, easily mastered, and…

Ah, motivation. That ever-elusive, deeply personal, and yet somehow extremely public phenomenon. We love to talk about it, brag about it, and—most importantly—perform it for an audience. Because what’s the point of grinding in silence when you could be grinding with a hashtag? But here’s the uncomfortable question: If nobody saw it, nobody knew you…

Let me tell you, it’s exhausting being this infallible. While the rest of the world stumbles around like toddlers in the dark, I’m over here, burdened with the tragic gift of always knowing exactly how everything will play out. Oh, you think that hot new startup is going to change the world? Cute. I already…

Let’s be honest—music peaked a long time ago. While today’s “artists” are busy mumbling over TikTok beats, these 10 immortal anthems have been carrying human civilization on their backs for centuries. They’re the sonic equivalent of the Pyramids, but people still care about them. 10. “Auld Lang Syne” Why It’s Eternal: The only song drunk…