The Inner Monologue

Why I Love My Readers (And Why They’re Smarter Than the Internet)

Let’s be honest—the internet is a carnival of chaos. A place where facts wear clown shoes, lies perform acrobatics, and nonsense heckles from the front row. Nothing is true. Nothing is false. Everything is a prank, a performance, or a poorly disguised psyop. And my readers? They get it. They know that trust is a…
SRn.0

In the summer of 1984, two young programmers—Jane and Joan—created something the world wasn’t ready for. That same year, Apple’s iconic “1984” Super Bowl ad aired, heralding a new era of personal computing. While the world marveled at the Macintosh’s debut, Jane and Joan were working on something far more insidious in a dim Berkeley…
The Snark CineScale

A refined, extra-snarky movie rating scale—now with even more bite and sarcasm: 0 – Should have stopped watching, but I didn’t, and now I’m legally entitled to financial compensation for psychological damages.This movie violated the Geneva Convention. I demand a public apology from the director. 1 – Stopped watching, thank god—my brain cells have suffered…
Wait, You Didn’t Know Where Month Names Come From?

Let’s be real—most of us just accept the names of the months without questioning them. January? Sure. February? Whatever. But if you actually stop and think about it, some of these names make zero sense. Why is October the tenth month when “octo” means eight? Why is August named after some ancient Roman dude with…
“Immortals Among Us: The True Story That Inspired Legend”

A most faithful and exact transcription of that long-suppressed oration, delivered by myself—an humble yet devoted Fellow of the Royal Society— unto my learned and esteemed colleagues, within the great and smoke-cloaked metropolis of London,upon that day hallowed to our Lord, being Wednesday, the eleventh of June, in the year of Grace, eighteen hundred and…
When Actions and Beliefs Clash: Maybe It’s Time to Change Your Beliefs

We love to declare what we stand for—our values, our faith, our principles. But when reality tests those beliefs, when acting on them becomes uncomfortable or costly, we often shrink back. And then comes the guilt, the self-reproach: “I should be stronger. I should live up to my ideals.” But what if the problem isn’t…
Introducing “Mini-America”: The Future of National Parks is Here!

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE Orlando, FL – May 21, 2044 – A bold new vision for experiencing America’s natural wonders is coming to life in Central Florida. Today, a team of innovative entrepreneurs and theme park enthusiasts announced Mini-America, a revolutionary concept that brings the grandeur of national parks closer to home—starting with Brand Canyon, a…
Why Facebook Users Are the New Drunk Drivers—And Why Nobody Cares

We used to laugh off drunk driving. In the 1950s and ’60s, it was a joke—something reckless but socially acceptable, something that “happened to other people.” Then, as the bodies piled up, society finally woke up. Laws tightened, attitudes shifted, and what was once a casual risk became a moral failing. Today, we’re living through…
The Death of Home Cooking: How America’s Meal Habits Have Imploded in 25 Years

Remember when “dinner” meant an actual home-cooked meal? Yeah, neither do most Americans. Over the past quarter-century, the way we eat has undergone a quiet but catastrophic transformation—one that’s turned kitchens into glorified microwave stations and turned “What’s for dinner?” into a daily existential crisis. Let’s take a horrifying (but fascinating) trip through the numbers.…
The Disappointment of Seeing a Smart Colleague Share Something Stupid

We’ve all been there. You’re scrolling through social media, minding your business, when suddenly you see it: A former colleague—someone you once respected for their intelligence, critical thinking, and rationality—has posted something blatantly false, misleading, or just flat-out ridiculous. Maybe it’s a conspiracy theory. Maybe it’s a misrepresented statistic. Maybe it’s a political hot take…