A Practical Guide to Happiness in Modern America

There was a time when ignorance was something that happened to you.

Today, it requires discipline.

You carry a device capable of informing you, within seconds, about every war, scandal, outrage, congressional argument, celebrity opinion, presidential statement, economic prediction, natural disaster, cultural controversy, and poorly worded comment made anywhere on Earth.

This is generally regarded as progress.

It may have been a terrible mistake.

Fortunately, there is another way.

Welcome to Willful Ignorance: the deliberate decision to know enough to function as a responsible adult while refusing to spend your remaining years emotionally responding to events over which you have approximately the same influence as you have over the orbit of Jupiter.

This guide will show you how.

Step 1: Accept That You Are Not Required to Know Everything

Something important happened in Washington today.

Something important happened yesterday.

Something important will happen tomorrow.

You do not need to know about all three.

The modern news business has quietly convinced us that being a responsible citizen requires maintaining continuous situational awareness of the republic.

It does not.

You need enough information to make decisions that actually belong to you.

You probably need to know when elections occur.

You should understand the major issues before you vote.

You should know if a hurricane is approaching your house.

You should probably know if the government has declared war.

Everything else can wait.

Step 2: Abolish Breaking News

Almost nothing described as BREAKING NEWS requires you to do anything immediately.

If something genuinely important happens at 10:17 Tuesday morning, it will still be important Wednesday.

The difference is that by Wednesday, journalists may actually know what happened.

Therefore:

Turn off news notifications.

All of them.

If nuclear war begins, somebody will tell you.

Step 3: Never Watch Politicians Live

There is almost no informational advantage to watching a politician speak live.

Tomorrow you can read three paragraphs explaining what was actually said.

This saves you 57 minutes.

It also eliminates:

• applause
• boos
• pundit speculation
• dramatic music
• reaction panels
• people yelling over one another
• advertisements for medications whose side effects include death

You receive approximately the same useful information with substantially lower blood pressure.

Step 4: Stop Following Politics Like Sports

Your political party is not the Denver Broncos.

You do not need to watch every game.

You do not need political merchandise.

You do not need to know today’s polling average.

You do not need to spend Tuesday evening celebrating because someone you dislike lost a special election for county commissioner in another state.

Vote.

Participate when participation matters.

Then go plant tomatoes.

Step 5: Institute the 100-Mile Rule

Before becoming emotionally invested in a story, ask:

Did this happen within 100 miles of me?

If yes, continue reading.

If no, ask:

Can I realistically do anything about it?

If yes, perhaps continue reading.

If no, you have permission to return to your coffee.

This rule will eliminate approximately 94% of the things strangers on the Internet urgently believe you need to be angry about.

Step 6: Replace News With Information

There is a difference.

News tells you:

THE ECONOMY MAY BE HEADING FOR DISASTER.

Information tells you:

Your electric bill is $143.

Your retirement account is worth $X.

Eggs cost $Y.

Your mortgage rate is Z%.

One of these affects your life directly.

Pay attention to that one.

Step 7: Learn About Events After They Become History

History has several advantages over news.

Historians usually know how the story ends.

They have access to evidence.

They have had time to determine which events mattered.

Most importantly, history rarely has a BREAKING NEWS banner crawling across the bottom of the page.

Consider learning about 2026 in 2036.

The signal-to-noise ratio should be dramatically improved.

Step 8: Unfollow Everyone Who Makes You Angry

This includes people you disagree with.

More importantly, it includes people you agree with.

The most dangerous social-media account may be the person who shares your worldview but spends twelve hours every day finding new reasons for both of you to be furious.

You already know what you believe.

You don’t need hourly reinforcement.

Step 9: Rediscover Local Reality

Walk outside.

Observe your neighborhood.

Talk to someone.

Go to a park.

Fix something.

Cook dinner.

Ride a bicycle.

Read a novel.

Visit a museum.

Help somebody.

Notice something strange.

The remarkable discovery awaiting the recovering news addict is that the physical world is generally much less hysterical than the informational world.

Your neighbor may have completely different political beliefs from yours.

He may also lend you a ladder.

This is useful information.

Step 10: Establish an Information Diet

You do not need to become a hermit.

Try this:

Once or twice a week, spend 20–30 minutes reading a straightforward summary of major events.

Do not watch cable news.

Do not read comments.

Do not follow links titled “YOU WON’T BELIEVE.”

Do not investigate what people on X are saying about it.

Learn what happened.

Then stop.

You are now informed.

Go do something else.

Step 11: Remember the Action Test

Whenever a story makes you angry, frightened, or anxious, ask:

What action am I going to take because I know this?

Sometimes there is a good answer.

Vote.

Donate.

Volunteer.

Call your representative.

Prepare for severe weather.

Change an investment decision.

Help someone.

Excellent.

Do it.

But if the answer is:

“I’m going to sit here being angry for another forty-five minutes,”

you have discovered information you probably didn’t need.

Step 12: Accept That the Country Will Continue Without Your Supervision

This may be the hardest lesson.

America operated for more than two centuries before you began checking your phone every fifteen minutes.

It will probably survive while you take the afternoon off.

Congress does not require your continuous observation.

The president can perform presidential duties without you watching.

The Supreme Court will issue opinions whether or not you refresh the page.

Somewhere, at this very moment, something outrageous is happening.

You don’t know what it is.

Notice how pleasant that feels.

The Willfully Ignorant Citizen’s Creed

I will vote.

I will pay my taxes.

I will obey reasonable laws.

I will help my neighbors.

I will learn about issues when I need to make decisions about them.

I will distinguish information that affects my life from information designed merely to capture my attention.

I will not confuse being angry with being engaged.

I will not confuse knowing what happened fifteen minutes ago with understanding the world.

I accept that I cannot personally supervise the United States of America.

And if something truly important happens…

someone will tell me.

Until then,

I’m going outside.